Grief

January 11, 2018

Grief
We all have had those moments where time stands still. Where it seems darkness fills your days and the tunnel is forever long. We fight to appear to make the pain seem copeable. We give everything we got to wake up in the morning and continue. It literally feels like life itself has ended but you know it hasn’t it, it won’t. You know in your right mind, people have it worse, this heart break happens every day, so your grief seems silly. Silly it would hurt this bad.
There is no limit and comparison for grief. Grief hits like a lightning bolt everyday, all day.
In all forms. There is no “acceptable “ way to cope. No time scale for each situation. All you know is life as you know is gone. Ripped away and your left with you. Only you.


Hearing the words” I don’t love you anymore “ after 9 years of loving.
What is Love ? What is unconditional love? Can you not be in love but love still? What does that even mean? How is ones love measurable?
My heart hurt. Bad. It literally felt like I was stabbed. I was given up on. I was traded. I was replaceable. I was a burden. I was not enough. I was not smart enough. I was not daring enough. I was not funny enough. I simply was not. Not enough anymore.

Until... you have a strong urge to Beg, Bargain, pleas, pray, cry, and scream to the universe/god for help.
You may not think your faith is strong enough to have miracles occur. You may think you haven’t went to Sunday mass or you haven’t proclaimed a destined religion. You may think your not worthy of healing and gods miracles.


In my moment, I was in fetal position, crying uncontrollably, sobbing. In my pleading I “heard” the words and said them over and over!


I seek your love, I’ll give your love, I am your love.
I seek your love, I’ll give your love, I am your love.


I said it over and over.


In the most memorable moment, time stood still. I felt the darkness lift off, i felt a major light and shift. I literally felt the angels lift me up.
Carry the weight, carry the Lonlieness, carry my grief. Give me hope. I felt peace for the first time in a long. I trusted. I believed.


I experienced a miracle in this moment.


I have internally dedicated my life to doing just that. I seek Gods and Angels Light And Love Everyday. Not one day goes by I don’t express my gratitude.
I internally have dedicated to serving and healing my physical, emotional, and spiritual body so I can in return GIVE my love.


I believe whole heartedly we all have God available to us and truthfully, inside of us. That was a right given to us through this incarnation. Christ consciousness inside all of us. It’s up to us to find it, use it. Search long and hard about everything that has happened to us. Be thankful everyday for even the small things. 


Knowing it’s for a greater good and everything will have a meaning.
I do pray that I can have a “break” from some life lessons. I understand everyday is not guaranteed. Healing is an everyday human experience. Experiencing greatness. All dreams have a lesson. All wishes come true have lessons. All desires have a darkness. All happiness has sadness. Our human existence will come to an end and I choose not to live my life in this disbelief. Honor it, not fear it. Embrace it, not exonerate it. Love it, not like it. Take it all, serve and love. Love myself and love others.

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